They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
