he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
