May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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