If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
