you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
