i barfeds in our rink
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
