Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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