she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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