I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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