how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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