"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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