So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
