i would punch a child for taco bell
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
