So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
