I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
