he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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