Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
