Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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