So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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