I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
