Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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