just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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