Buhtt sex?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have already put on my inside pants.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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