): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
