I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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