In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
