please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
