put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
