so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
