And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
