Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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