They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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