Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
