There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
