Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
