I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
