I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
