Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
