I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
