spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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