youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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