we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
