can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
