I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
