didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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