I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
