also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
