You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
