Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
