Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
