dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
