he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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