i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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